Day 23 – A dog’s dinner


If you’ve had sleepness nights wondering what kind of horrors I’ve been eating, wonder no more. This is the thing of true nightmares. Tinned meat. Its unique quality is that it manages not to look or taste like meat at all. And no, of course I didn’t eat this…it went straight into the bin and I doubt even a freegan would take it out again.

Day 5 – Shaped Beef


It seemed like suitable punishment for my lapse on Day 3 to find the worst possible meal in the pound shop. I had my pick of at least a dozen horrors-on-a-plate but one appealed to me least. Beef curry: chopped and shaped beef with soya mince, vegetables and rice in a cardboard box. Let me repeat that: meat in a BOX. Eurgh.

So I opened the packet of powder and dried meat cubes and simmered in water as instructed. Surprisingly it smelt nice. Nice enough for my brother to be drawn into the kitchen. I think he would have even been tempted to try some until he saw what it looked like. It was gloppy and brown with bits – not dissimilar I imagine to the contents of a baby’s nappy after a particularly enthusiastic go at the milk bottle.


I knew there was only one thing that could save this meal. One device that every junior chef learns to make a dish attractive. A sprig of parsley.


Ta dah! A tasty treat indeed.